funny life quotes and sayings

At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities. ~Jean Houston


Clouds are like boogers hanging on the nostrils of the moon. ~Robin Williams


It is more blessed to give than to receive. ~Acts 20:35


All emotions are pure which gather you and lift you up; that emotion is impure which seizes only one side of your being and so distorts you. ~Rainer Maria Rilke


There is a God-shaped vacuum in every heart. ~Blaise Pascal


Sarcasm I now see to be, in general, the language of the Devil; for which reason I have, long since, as good as renounced it. ~Thomas Carlyle, Sartor Resartus, Book II, chapter 4


One has to secrete a jelly in which to slip quotations down people's throats and one always secretes too much jelly. ~Virginia Woolf


The essence of life is the smile of round female bottoms, under the shadow of cosmic boredom. ~Guy de Maupassant


When you have only two pennies left in the world, buy a loaf of bread with one, and a lily with the other. ~Chinese Proverb


Greatness alone in not enough, or the cow would outrun the hare. ~Proverb


A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice. ~Edgar Watson Howe, Country Town Sayings, 1911


The progress of evolution from President Washington to President Grant is alone enough to upset Darwin. ~Henry Adams, Education, 1907


Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes


Dare to be naive. ~Buckminster Fuller


Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. ~Author Unknown


She glances at the photo, and the pilot light of memory flickers in her eyes. ~Frank Deford


Corpse pose restores life. Dead parts of your being fall away, the ghosts are released. ~Terri Guillemets


Our past is like a footprint. It only confirms we were there. No burden on our future does it bear. Bring the rain, clear the pane of clutter. ~Jeb Dickerson, www.howtomatter.com


Men like a woman with a daring tongue. That's a double-entendre, which reminds me they also like a m�nage � trois. ~Carrie Latet


I want a priest, a rabbi, and a Protestant clergyman. I want to hedge my bets. ~Wilson Mizner