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While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Internet are exchanging, freely and openly, the most uninhibited, intimate and, yes, shocking details about our config.sys settings. ~Dave Barry


Hunting sober is like - fishing, sober. ~Uncle Jimbo, "Volcano," original airdate 20 August 1997, written by Trey Parker & Matt Stone


I see my body as an instrument, rather than an ornament. ~Alanis Morissette, quoted in Reader's Digest, March 2000


The poker player learns that sometimes both science and common sense are wrong; that the bumblebee can fly; that, perhaps, one should never trust an expert; that there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of by those with an academic bent. ~David Mamet


A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers. ~Jay Leno


Beauty... when you look into a woman's eyes and see what is in her heart. ~Nate Dircks


When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities. ~Matt Groening


The effort to reconcile science and religion is almost always made, not by theologians, but by scientists unable to shake off altogether the piety absorbed with their mother's milk. ~H.L. Mencken, Minority Report: H.L. Mencken's Notebook, 1956


The best things in life aren't things. ~Art Buchwald


I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, "Have you got anything I'd like?" Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, "Extra medium." ~Steven Wright


It is labour indeed that puts the difference on everything. ~John Locke, An Essay Concerning Human Understanding, 1690


There is no good in arguing with the inevitable. The only argument available with an east wind is to put on your overcoat. ~James Russell Lowell, Democracy and Other Addresses, 1887


I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round apart from the veneration due to its sacred name and origin, if anything belonging to it can be apart from that - as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time. ~Charles Dickens


History is herstory too. ~Author Unknown


Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build bridges even when there are no rivers. ~Nikita Khrushchev


Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink. ~Author Unknown


A mental stain can neither be blotted out by the passage of time nor washed away by any waters. ~Cicero


W (double U) has, of all the letters in our alphabet, the only cumbrous name, the names of the others being monosyllabic. This advantage of the Roman alphabet over the Grecian is the more valued after audibly spelling out some simple Greek word, like "epixoriambikos." Still, it is now thought by the learned that other agencies than the difference of the two alphabets may have been concerned in the decline of "the glory that was Greece" and the rise of "the grandeur that was Rome." There can be no doubt, however, that by simplifying the name of W (calling it "wow," for example) our civilization could be, if not promoted, at least better endured. ~Ambrose Bierce


A blogger is constantly looking over his shoulder, for fear that he is not being followed. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com


If you add to the truth, you subtract from it. ~The Talmud