drinking quotes funny

If I might comprehend Jesus Christ, I could not believe on Him. He would be no greater than myself. Such is my consciousness of sin and inability that I must have a superhuman Saviour. ~Daniel Webster


Kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not. ~Samuel Johnson


War is only a cowardly escape from the problems of peace. ~Thomas Mann


He completed the universe, he achieved the physical unity of the globe. ~Lamartine


No one should approach the temple of science with the soul of a money changer. ~Thomas Browne


Marriage, n. A community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all two. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911


The first requisite for immortality is death. ~Stanislaw J. Lec


Arithmetic is where the answer is right and everything is nice and you can look out of the window and see the blue sky - or the answer is wrong and you have to start over and try again and see how it comes out this time. ~Carl Sandburg


They wrote in the old days that it is sweet and fitting to die for one's country. But in modern war there is nothing sweet nor fitting in your dying. You will die like a dog for no good reason. ~Ernest Hemingway


There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man. ~Winston Churchill


The charm of history and its enigmatic lesson consist in the fact that, from age to age, nothing changes and yet everything is completely different. ~Aldous Huxley


Truth is the breath of life to human society. It is the food of the immortal spirit. Yet a single word of it may kill a man as suddenly as a drop of prussic acid. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes


Anyone who can be replaced by a machine deserves to be. ~Dennis Gunton


There is no point at which you can say, "Well, I'm successful now. I might as well take a nap." ~Carrie Fisher


True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen. ~Francois, duc de La Rochefoucauld


We talk much more about individualism and liberty than our ancestors. But as so often happens, when anything becomes conscious, the consciousness is compensatory for absence in practice. ~John Dewey


Only on paper has humanity yet achieved glory, beauty, truth, knowledge, virtue, and abiding love. ~George Bernard Shaw


I have had my results for a long time: but I do not yet know how I am to arrive at them. ~Karl Friedrich Gauss


A "Normal" person is the sort of person that might be designed by a committee. You know, "Each person puts in a pretty color and it comes out gray." ~Alan Sherman


Does age poison us, or do we poison age? ~Astrid Alauda