best friends quotes funny short

Religion has not civilized man, man has civilized religion. ~Robert Green Ingersoll


When you stretch the truth, watch out for the snapback. ~Bill Copeland


If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today. ~E. Joseph Cossman


A letter always seemed to me like immortality because it is the mind alone without corporeal friend. ~Emily Dickinson


Guard himself as he may, every moment's an ambush. ~Horace


If you want to kill time, try working it to death. ~Sam Levonson


Precisely the least, the softest, lightest, a lizard's rustling, a breath, a flash, a moment - a little makes the way of the best happiness. ~Frederich Nietzsche, Thus Spake Zarathustra


If you're never scared or embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take any chances. ~Julia Sorel (Rosalyn Drexler), See How She Runs, 1978


True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen. ~Francois, duc de La Rochefoucauld


All programmers are optimists. Perhaps this modern sorcery especially attracts those who believe in happy endings and fairy godmothers. Perhaps the hundreds of nitty frustrations drive away all but those who habitually focus on the end goal. Perhaps it is merely that computers are young, programmers are younger, and the young are always optimists. ~Frederick Brooks, Jr.


A statistician made a few calculations and discovered that since the birth of our nation more lives had been lost in celebrating independence than in winning it. ~Curtis Billings


You put a baby in a crib with an apple and a rabbit. If it eats the rabbit and plays with the apple, I'll buy you a new car. ~Harvey Diamond


You have come into a hard world. I know of only one easy place in it, and that is the grave. ~Henry Ward Beecher


El tiempo da buen consejo. ~Proverb


I am fond of children - except boys. ~Lewis Carroll


Most people are awaiting Virtual Reality; I'm awaiting virtuous reality. ~Eli Khamarov, "Lives of the Cognoscenti"


Every dogma has its day, but ideals are eternal. ~Israel Zangwill Every duty which is bidden to wait returns with seven fresh duties at its back. ~Charles Kingsley


Comparison, more than reality, makes men happy or wretched. ~Thomas Fuller


Draft beer, not people. ~Author Unknown


I cannot help it, - in spite of myself, infinity torments me. ~Alfred de Musset, L'Espoir en Dieu