funny quotes about

I am convinced digestion is the great secret of life. ~Sydney Smith


Among all the sights of the docks, the noble truck-horses are not the least striking to a stranger. They are large and powerful brutes, with such sleek and glossy coats, that they look as if brushed and put on by a valet every morning. They march with a slow and stately step, lifting their ponderous hoofs like royal Siam elephants. Thou shalt not lay stripes upon these Roman citizens; for their docility is such, they are guided without rein or lash; they go or come, halt or march on, at a whisper. So grave, dignified, gentlemanly, and courteous did these fine truck-horses look - so full of calm intelligence and sagacity, that often I endeavored to get into conversation with them, as they stood in contemplative attitudes while their loads were preparing. But all I could get from them was the mere recognition of a friendly neigh; though I would stake much upon it that, could I have spoken in their language, I would have derived from them a good deal of valuable information touching the docks, where they passed the whole of their dignified lives. ~Herman Melville, Redburn. His First Voyage, 1849


It's so hot even my fake plants are wilting. ~Linda Solegato


Truly, that reason upon which we plume ourselves, though it may answer for little things, yet for great decisions is hardly surer than a toss-up. ~Charles Sanders Peirce


The theologian may indulge the pleasing task of describing Religion as she descended from Heaven, arrayed in her native purity. A more melancholy duty is imposed on the historian. He must discover the inevitable mixture of error and corruption which she contracted in a long residence upon earth, among a weak and degenerate race of beings. ~Edward Gibbon, The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire


A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards. ~Proverbs 29:11


Let the people think they govern, and they will be governed. ~William Penn, Some Fruits of Solitude, 1693


Life only starts when love comes. ~From the movie Bill of Divorcement, 1932


Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~Jimmy DeMaret


For the rubble of history, which is undigested and therefore goes on blindly, does not lie so thickly on the ground as in our own consciousness. ~Herbert Luthy


A bodily disease, which we look upon as whole and entire within itself, may, after all, be but a symptom of some ailment in the spiritual part. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter


People never notice anything. ~J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye, Chapter 2


If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. ~Mark Twain


The art of reading is in great part that of acquiring a better understanding of life from one's encounter with it in a book. ~Andre Maurois


Poets are soldiers that liberate words from the steadfast possession of definition. ~Eli Khamarov, The Shadow Zone


Coffee has two virtues: it is wet and warm. ~Dutch Proverb


There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly taken-for granted relationship. ~Iris Murdoch


If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. ~African Proverb


Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house. ~Jean Kerr


All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, to make it possible. ~T.E. Lawrence, Seven Pillars of Wisdom, 1926