funny quotes and pictures

Boredom is a vital problem for the moralist, since at least half the sins of mankind are caused by the fear of it. ~Bertrand Russell, The Conquest of Happiness


Suppose some mathematical creature from the moon were to reckon up the human body; he would at once see that the essential thing about it was that it was duplicate. A man is two men, he on the right exactly resembling him on the left. Having noted that there was an arm on the right and one on the left, a leg on the right and one on the left, he might go further and still find on each side the same number of fingers, the same number of toes, twin eyes, twin ears, twin nostrils, and even twin lobes of the brain. At last he would take it as a law; and then, where he found a heart on one side, would deduce that there was another heart on the other. And just then, where he most felt he was right, he would be wrong. ~Gilbert Keith Chesterton, "The Paradoxes of Christianity," Orthodoxy


It's not that successful people are givers; it is that givers are successful people. ~Patti Thor


Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories. ~John Wilmot


Virtue is its own revenge. ~E.Y. Harburn


In marriage there are no manners to keep up, and beneath the wildest accusations no real criticism. Each is familiar with that ancient child in the other who may erupt again.... We are not ridiculous to ourselves. We are ageless. That is the luxury of the wedding ring. ~Enid Bagnold, Autobiography, 1969


As the presence of those we love is as a double life, so absence, in its anxious longing and sense of vacancy, is as a foretaste of death. ~Anna Brownell Jameson


What compels you to stare, night after night, at all the glittering hokum that has been deliberately put together for you? ~J.B. Priestley, about Americans


The best way out of a problem is through it. ~Author Unknown


People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage. ~Doug Larson


It would be far easier to lose weight permanently if replacement parts weren't so handy in the refrigerator. ~Hugh Allen


Life is like a dog sled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. ~Lewis Grizzard


A corporation is a living organism; it has to continue to shed its skin. Methods have to change. Focus has to change. Values have to change. The sum total of those changes is transformation. ~Andrew Grove


Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. ~William Shakespeare


Others settle for small rewards; the neurotic must always go for broke. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960


Most of our faults are more pardonable than the means we use to conceal them. ~Francois, Duc de La Rochefoucauld, Maxims, 1665


When there's a single thief, it's robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it's taxation. ~Vanya Cohen


The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people. ~G.K. Chesterton


Experience has repeatedly confirmed that well-known maxim of Bacon's that "a little philosophy inclineth a man's mind to atheism, but depth in philosophy bringeth men's minds about to religion." At the same time, when Bacon penned that sage epigram... he forgot to add that the God to whom depth in philosophy brings back men's minds is far from being the same from whom a little philosophy estranges them. ~George Santayana


Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion. ~Miguel de Unamuno